When someone close passes away, grief affects everyone in the family. But for children, the process can be especially confusing. Unlike adults, kids often struggle to understand what death really means or how to express what they are feeling. As a parent, guardian or carer, you play a vital role in helping your child navigate this difficult time with love, patience and honesty.
Many parents turn to professionals such as grief counsellors or speak with funeral homes to seek guidance on how to approach these sensitive conversations. While there is no one-size-fits-all method, there are several proven ways to support children through grief and help them heal in a healthy way.
Understanding How Children Grieve
Grief looks different at every age. A toddler may not grasp that death is permanent. A primary school child might ask when the person is coming back. A teenager may understand death but react with anger or pull away emotionally.
It’s important to know that children often grieve in waves. They may seem upset one moment and then go play happily the next. This doesn’t mean they’re not affected. It simply means they are processing their emotions in short bursts, which is normal for their age and stage of development.
Open and Honest Communication
The best way to support your child is by creating a safe space where they can ask questions and share their feelings without judgement. Be honest about what has happened, using clear and simple language. Avoid saying things like “we lost grandpa” as this can confuse younger children. Instead, say “grandpa died” to help them understand.
You do not need to have all the answers. It’s okay to say “I don’t know” or “I feel sad too.” Children value honesty and they often look to adults to model how to respond to difficult emotions.
Encourage Expression Through Talking, Art or Play
Not every child will want to talk about their feelings right away. That’s okay. Some express grief through drawing, writing, play or even physical activity. Offer different ways for them to share what they are feeling. You could provide drawing supplies or suggest writing a letter to the person who has passed.
Books and stories about grief can also help children make sense of what they’re experiencing. These resources use age-appropriate language and themes to gently explain death and loss.
Involve Them in Rituals
Many funeral homes now offer family-friendly services that include children in meaningful ways. Giving kids the chance to be part of the funeral, memorial or other rituals can help them process their grief. It might be as simple as placing a flower on the casket, lighting a candle or reading a poem.
Talk to your child about what will happen at the funeral and ask if they would like to participate. Explain the purpose of these traditions and how they help us remember and honour the person who died.
Maintain Routines for Stability
After a loss, life can feel unstable. Keeping routines such as school, bedtime and meals consistent can offer a sense of safety. This does not mean ignoring grief. It simply means giving your child a structure they can rely on while they process their emotions.
Let teachers or caregivers know what your child is going through so they can offer extra support at school or day care. Be patient with changes in behaviour and try not to punish emotional reactions like tantrums or withdrawal.
Watch for Signs That Extra Help Is Needed
While grief is a normal and natural response to loss, some children may need additional support. Look out for signs such as:
- Changes in sleep or appetite
- Persistent sadness or anxiety
- Withdrawal from friends or activities
- Trouble concentrating or performing at school
- Physical complaints like stomach aches with no medical cause
If you notice these signs continuing for more than a few weeks, it may be helpful to speak with a child psychologist or grief counsellor. Many funeral homes can recommend local services or connect you with support groups tailored for young people and families.
Be Patient with the Process
Grief does not follow a timeline. Your child may bring up the loss months or even years later, especially around anniversaries, birthdays or other milestones. Let them know it’s always okay to talk about the person who died and that remembering them is a healthy part of healing.
Continue to check in with your child from time to time. Ask open-ended questions like “How have you been feeling about grandma lately?” or “What do you miss most about dad?” These simple conversations can offer comfort and help your child feel less alone.
Helping a child through grief can feel overwhelming, especially when you are grieving too. But by offering love, honesty and support, you can help your child develop the emotional tools they need to cope with loss both now and in the future.
Funeral homes are not just places for services. Many provide compassionate advice and resources for families with children, helping to guide them through the early days of grief and beyond. If you are unsure where to start, don’t hesitate to reach out for support.
By understanding your child’s unique needs, maintaining open communication and encouraging healthy expression, you can support them through one of life’s most difficult experiences and help them come through it feeling heard, loved and understood.
